45 days is a long time, in fact that seems like forever and a day but I understand that this must happened and that it will only make us stronger. This post is to assure you that I will be okay and that 45 days will not make me leave. You are the only one who I would do this for, the only one I would wait for. A long time ago, I promised myself that I would never stay in a relationship with someone who is going to jail or someone who likes to break every single god damn rule that the government has made, but the feelings you give me override that rule, that rule means nothing because if I walk away from you than I am pretty sure that I will be leaving the one, the actual one, the one that I was meant to be with. You make everything okay with just the simple words, "its going to be okay.", When I am crying you wipe away my tears and make me laugh, you constantly show me that you care, you constantly remind me that I am pretty, you constantly remind me that I am good enough, and I am actaully starting to believe it, you make me feel good enough, you make me feel like I am worth something, i am important. You are so different from every one else in this world. You seem to be scared that I am wont be here when you get out, baby, I will be waiting every single second for you. I will be thinking about you and only you. No one else compares to you, no one else could ever replace you. You have the key to my heart. You have everything. You are my everything. You are my world. You are the reason why I am breathing. You mean so much to me and 45 days will not be the death of this relationship, of this love, of this amazing greatness that we are. I promise you that.
Now, I know you dont want to hear this but you have to because you always ask me to tell you everything and well, I told you I would so here it is, 45 days gives you time to look at all the stupid shit I have pulled in a different light, it gives you time to think about other girls, time to realize that I am not perfect, that I may not be your "one" I may not be your second half. I know this sounds crazy but sometimes this is how it happens, (i've read way to many books) Sometimes what you think you want is clouded by the shit going on around you, than when you are isolated, taken away from all of those surroundings, you can see clearly, you can see what you didnt when you were so close. I am by far no where near perfect, I make mistakes, I have flaws, I dont know how to handle gifts and people spending money on me. I hate that I cant function like a normal human being, that I am broken, that my mind is so fucked. I hate it but its me unfortunatily. I have to deal with the mess, but you dont, you can still back out, you can still leave, everyone else does, so why not you, why would this time away from me, make you not rethink things, I know that you tried to tell me this wont happen, but in reality it is a posibility. I love you with all of my heart and than some but this is how I feel, you want it all and I am giving you it all, I have never not once done this, let someone see every little part of me. You are the first to look inside me and not just see right through me. Emily, you will never understand how much you mean to me, how much I love you, how important you are to me, how amazing I think you are, how you could do anything and I wouldnt walk away because you have to fight for things you cant go a day without the thought of them, so Im going to have to cause WORLD WAR 3, for you, to fight for you, because you are the thought on my mind every second of my day, you are there in my dreams, you are there when I wake up, when I stretch, get dressed, eat drive go to school, shower work sleep, you are every where, every thought. Everything I do reminds me of you. I find you in the simplest of things, when certain songs come on, when I walk the halls of my school because once I was on the phone with you, when I eat anything I can hear you tell me how gross I am. I hear you voice all the time, it tells me to keep strong. Baby, you light up my world like nobody else. You are the stars in my night sky, and the blue in my day. You are the most important person in my life, you find out things before Paige and Tj, you know things that they dont know. You have all my secrets, you have every thought, I am giving you my all and I wont stop, I wont give up til the day that I take my last breath and even than my last words will be "it was always you emily." 45 days is nothing, it will be hard but it will be alright, We can do it. I can stay strong, I will cry, we both know this but its okay, it will be okay. Ill pick myself up and make it all better. Please know that when you get home, I will be permentantly attachted to you, so that you can't do anything else that will take you away from me, and when I cant be around, you will hear my voice being like "Hey you yeah you rule breaker, shouldnt you be abiding by the laws... huh huh, or do you want to get taken away from your girlfriend and see her cry again, and spend nights alone, crying and weeping consuming large amounts of ice cream that she cant eat because it makes her super sick. you wanna do that again huh huh? Its up to you, break the law or just keep walking, walking back to your girlfriend. Your choice." Yeah that is what you are going to hear.
Baby, I love you and I miss you already. Please be good and stay safe. Come back home to me in one piece and by June 2. Really honestly I want you home as soon as possible, you are missing a shit ton of stuff already but be home as soon as possible. I love you to much for you to be gone this long. Im having my grad party before graduation most likely please be out for it. Maybe maybe not, lol alochol will be involved. So maybe not.
Anywho, I love you. Text me when you read this. Buh you are the best thing in my entire life, in my entire 17 years of existence you by far are the best thing that has ever been in my life.
-Nikki. <3
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