Baby, you are my everything. And a lot happened tonight and I have so much to say to you. So much to tell you and I will probably cry through writing this and telling you face to face, these words will be written but I think that they must be spoken as well. So here we go...
I love you so much baby. You mean the absolute world to me. Its us against the world. You and I forever and always. Til the day that I die and all of our after lives. You getting arrested tonight made everything hurt. It was the most painfully thing to watch. It made me realize that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my days with for real. I don't need anyone else, I don't need anything but you, as long as I have you my world is complete. You are so amazing and so much more than you think that you are. You got arrested tonight because of me, you just proved to me that I am worth something, I have never felt that way in my entire life. I have always just been worthless, something to walk all over and throw away. But tonight, everything that happened, you wanting to beat the living fuck out of two guys that hurt me, made me feel like I was important, like I meant something, like I was finally not worthless anymore. I know that you have done countless things to make me feel like I was something not nothing, but this tonight hit me hard, I lost you to an officer, I didnt get to say goodbye, it was the worse feeling in the entire world, it killed every part of me. I never want to have to go through that again. I couldn't do anything to get you back, couldn't fight, couldn't talk my way out of it, couldnt do anything. I just had to sit there and just watch the love of my life, the true, the real girl that I plan on spending the rest of my life with get taken away in a cop car. I couldnt stop crying, I couldnt do anything but cry and think of the worse... and now I am on the phone with you, things dont look good. I hear your voice and you say that its going to be okay, but its not okay, nothings okay without you by my side. Your voice gives me some hope but my heart it hurts, my chest is pounding, my head is spinning i dont know what to think or do. I couldnt write any more last night. So now I am going to write a little bit more. Well no Im not cause I am about to leave the house to get money and talk to bail bonds and figure this shit out because all I want is to tell you that I love you. And that you are the most important thing to me. I just want to tell you everything. the feelings I had when I saw you in handcuffs, the feelings I had when you got shoved into a police care and the feelings I had when I heard your voice on the first phone call, you go me through the entire night, even when I wasnt talking to you I was hearing your voice replay, Hello Beautiful. its going to be okay, I love you baby. Over and over again. And every thought I thought was oddly in your voice I loved it.
I will write more later.
-Nikki.
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